The TSTOAC Syndrome

Tech Support: Word Perfect Technical Desk, may I help you?
Mrs. S: Yes, well, I’m having trouble with Word Perfect.
Tech Support: What sort of trouble?
Mrs. S: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
Tech Support: Went away?
Mrs. S: They disappeared.
Tech Support: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Mrs. S: Nothing.
Tech Support: Nothing?
Mrs. S: It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.
Tech Support: Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?
Mrs. S: How do I tell?
Tech Support: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Mrs. S: What’s a sea-prompt?
Tech Support: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
Mrs. S: There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type!
Tech Support: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Mrs. S: What’s a monitor?
Tech Support: It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?
Mrs. S: I don’t know.
Tech Support: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Mrs. S: Yes, I think so.
Tech Support: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Mrs. S: …….Yes, it is.
Tech Support: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Mrs. S: No.
Tech Support: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Mrs. S: Okay, here it is.
Tech Support: Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Mrs. S: I can’t reach.
Tech Support: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
Mrs. S: No.
Tech Support: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Mrs. S: Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.
Tech Support: Dark?
Mrs. S: Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Tech Support: Well, turn on the office light then.
Mrs. S: I can’t.
Mrs. S: Because there’s a power outage.

Tech Support: A power… A power outage? ………….Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your PC came in?
Mrs. S: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Tech Support: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Mrs. S: Really? Is it that bad?
Tech Support: Yes, I’m afraid it is.
Mrs. S: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Tech Support: Tell them you’re TSTOAC

Now TSTOAC is not a medical situation. It is a commonly seen rare mental condition, in which the patient stays alright, but will burn out the calories of whoever tries to provide tech support to him. In simple terms, TSTOAC stands for Too Stupid To Own a Computer.

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